I do hope noone read this anymore.
I need to write, but if I write on any other site I want to instantaneously delete it.
So I know this is selfish and stupid and “attention seeking” or whatever.
But I hate being second best.
I don’t mean that I want to win at anything, or that I want people to like me best.
I just don’t want to be cancelled out for other people all the time.
So I’m supposed to be going out on wednesday with my friend, but she won’t stay at my house because she’ll be staying with her boyfriend. And okay, I get that they want to spend time together and stuff, but I just feel like now I don’t want to go out on wednesday.
What’s the point in me going out with her when he’ll decide what time they’ll leave etc. And I just know that the whole time i’ll be getting the ‘I want to be with my boyfriend’ feeling 
Like it sounds stupid, but Louise said she’d come to my new years party at my grans. But she didn’t, because she went to town with her new bff. Like I just, don’t get it. It sounds so stupid and selfsh, but I can’t even explain why it makes me feel so bad.
It just makes me want to cry, because I feel like I’m not important to these people anymore.
I’m having enough trouble trying to work out who I am/who I want to be, and in the middle of all this I feel like noone wantsme anyway, and if noone cares what’s even the point?
I wish I didn’t have friends, it would makes things so much easier.
